hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
