I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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