porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
