none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
