I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
