I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
