problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
