Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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