When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
this will be a night to untag.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
