dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
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