Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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