my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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