You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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