Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
