I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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