btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
