I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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