please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
