Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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