yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
