sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
