I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
