I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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