Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
