just come out here and I will go home with you...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
