Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I could make wine with my vomit
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
