I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
