If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
