At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I smell stomach acid.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
