I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
