Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
