I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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