There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
