Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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