just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
