He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
