Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
