I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
