He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
