i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
