he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just threw up on my dentist
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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