it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
