it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
