So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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