woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
