I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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