she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
