i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
