tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
