God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
