woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
