I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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