I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
