uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
